People sometimes comment on the "sacrifices" I've made as a single mother, but what people don't see is how unapologetically and proudly selfish I've been, too. Inside every choice I've made to benefit my son, there were times I needed to serve myself first so that I could show up for him in the best way I could.
Years ago, if I had waited until Richie was off to college, until my bills were paid, or until the proverbial "perfect time" arrived for me to earn my time, I'd not have evolved into the person I am today. Nor would he be the same young man.
By taking turns and sometimes allowing myself to be first, he grew up with the important lesson that others also matter. Seeing me take workshops while he spent time with family showed him by example that learning is cool and fun and doesn't stop after college, and it's okay and even good to follow your passions.
Many nights, I had my nose in a book instead of suggesting a board game to play. Or shh'd him because I was on a group class call. Or dragged him to my meetup groups to help with the video camera and projector when he begged to stay home instead. Or ran out of time for a home-cooked meal and ordered take-out yet again because of my homework deadline.
But through my "selfish" soul-searching, he benefited exponentially, too.
We saved conversations for outside of meal times, and instead, both grabbed a book and a couch when eating ... and he grew by daily habit a wildly creative imagination and an appreciation for the art and soul of storytelling. Most nights, while I studied or read or wrote, he played video games by my side, and last year, he was accepted into a competitive Video Game Design program at his new college. He knows how to take elderberry when sick, read a Nutrition Facts label, and stay away from GMO food, but I needed to learn these things myself before I could offer them to him.
By creating my own healthy world first, I was able to venture out and find and introduce him to a tribe of new friends—who are among the most amazing human beings on our planet. By insisting he accompany me everywhere, he's met waves of interesting people who are healers, teachers, givers, creatives, and problem-solvers who look you in the eyes, believe in a higher power, and operate from a place of collective oneness.
Whether he's yet been able to connect the dots of all of this happening around him, his being witness to this high-quality kind of humanness can only lead to good things for him later on.
So I vote to be selfish with your time.
Dedicate your money or find more to keep learning about what interests you. Find reasons why you should NOT wait to feed your soul. And if you have children, teach them all you learn about BEING HUMAN—during morning rides to school, in birthday letters, via affirmation post-it notes around the house, letting them overhear inspiring phone conversations, the friends you bring home, and by example.
Write a book about it all if you can.
Because one of the greatest gifts we can share with our children is the wisdom from our own journey.
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